Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Well It's Christmas

Well its' Christmas!
what can I say? We are still at Jenn's and looks like we will be for another couple of months.  I know that it is getting hard on them, we never thought that we would be here this long.  We owe them so much for having to put up with us and also 5 other people. Lisa and her kids are here still also, Lisa finally got a permanent job with Banner Hospitals, so she is now working, plus going to school, working a seasonal job with Kirkland Homes, she is way busy and her kids are not liking it so much.

We are in the season of thinking of our Savior and it is a little hard, but I have tried to focus my thoughts on him.  A week and a half ago I lost my job, so it is a little hard to have the kind of spirit I should.  I hope that I can think more clearly about our Savior now that I am home, and here it is just a couple days before Christmas.  The process of having to look for a job is not my most favorite thing to do, but who does like it.  If I could just stay home and not have to worry about it, but that is not going to be the case for a long time.  Scott's job is not to the point of us just having him work and me to stay home.  But if wishes were fishes, we would definitely have a great fry.

 With 3 families living under the same roof, is hard not only for the adults but for the children also, everyone thinks that they don't need to do chores, because someone doesn't or didn't do them, so they all think that they don't have to do them.  Tempers rise and we are all uncomfortable.  We have so appreciated Jennifer and Rich for their service and taking us in, but pretty soon it will come to the point when relationships start falling, and I don't want that to happen at all.  I felt that way when we stayed at David and Kathy's, and I have regretted it ever since.  But when you don't have a place and are trying to save up, and you were offered it is a hard thing to go through. But we love and appreciate all that they have done for us and Lisa. Hopefully one day we can repay them.

 I have been working on Brad's mission letters and trying to get them into a book for him.  I have wondered why I didn't get it done earlier once he came home.  I've decided that he didn't need it then, but does now, with him going through the trials that he is going through now. I hope that this will open up his eyes to see what he has done and where he needs to focus his life on.  His letters are so full of the spirit, that I can't think that he would be able to feel it.  As his mom I know that he has the ability to start anew and to get back that feeling that he had in and during his mission.  I pray that he will come to me and to Scott and apologize and to come back, so that we as a family will be healed.  I love him, but it is hard to see the life that he is living, I am hoping that the friends that he has chosen, will bring him back.  I think that Brad thought that he was a leader and could help these boys, but instead they drug him down to their level.  I think that he could be a leader, he just needs to be strong in the gospel, and asking help from above, that he could do it. But like his mom, I am not a leader, I am the follower, because I wanted to fit in with my friends, but it did not get me very far.  It really takes a very strong person in the gospel to be that kind of a leader.  Satan is much stronger than myself, I really have to rely on my Heavenly Father and his Son to help me over come the bad decisions that I make each and every day.

Now that I have done a quilt trip on myself.  I need to draw my thoughts to our Savior at this time of the year, but also remember to do it all through the year.  There are so many things that I am thankful for and one of them is being a mom, wife, daughter, sister, the one thing though is being a mom, I wished at times I could roll back the years, and start all over, knowing the things that I know about raising children, and how I did it, I can't believe that my kids still stay by me, I look back at how hard I was on them, and mean I was, I want to tell them how sorry I am, that their mother should have been more understanding, more loving, more of a person that they would want to be.  I don't blame them for never wanting to be like me, I don't want to be me.  I am SO SO sorry for what I put them through, my yelling, my hitting, my everything.  Please forgive me! I just hope that some day I can be  what a lot of them have come to be.

I want them all to know that I am very happy that they are the people that they are. I love them with all my heart, and ask them to lean on the Savior to help them in their trials.
Have a VERY Merry Christmas, and never take CHRIST out of Christmas, he is the reason for the season. BUT we need to have him through out the year, so we need to remember to have Christmas all year long.

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